Scars

I got out of the hot tub last night and as I was getting ready for bed I noticed a scar I have had for nearly sixteen years.  The scar is the result of a surgery where I formed a horribly painful rope-like raised keloid which then was "corrected" by a plastic surgeon after which it was much worse than what I started with.  Over the years thankfully, it has very gradually flattened and it is no longer painful and only the one end of the scar is still raised and deep red.  Last night I noticed that this red tip actually has formed a cartoon animal type figure.  It could be a dog or cat or even a baby brontosaurus!  I haven't decided which it most resembles but what struck me as I looked at it was that this scar which I have hated (for good reasons) for so many years is now causing me to smile.


That got me thinking about scars in general.  We all have them.  We have physical scars from all the bumps and scrapes we've endured through the years and we have emotional and psychological scars as well.  I don't think it is possible to get through life without at least some scars.


But are scars bad?  Well, wounds do need to be treated, no matter what kind of wounds they are.  And sometimes even with treatment a large scar still remains.  But as I do my own healing work and find the scars in my life that need to be healed I have discovered that the scars are also what makes me me!  I have grown and matured in and around the scars.  My scars can be triggered in ways that are uniquely mine.  My scars are a good reminder of my humanity, my individuality, my life's path.


And as I learn to own my scars, to acknowledge when I have over-reacted, for instance, because I got triggered, or whatever, I am able to show myself compassion and understanding.  And the more I do that, the more I am able to extend that compassion to those around me.  We all have our quirks; we all have our beliefs; we all see the world from our own perspective.


But the more we learn about our own perspective and the more we see that it is just that, our perspective based on all that has happened to us and probably most influenced by whatever scarring we have undergone, the more we can relate to others and understand that they are doing the same thing, working from their perspective which, like ours, has been molded by whatever they have undergone.


So now, as I try to figure out just what animal is smiling back at me in the mirror (and it is even right side up and looking at me!), I shall try embracing my scars and not being ashamed of them or hiding them away.  The more we try to hide parts of ourselves, the larger those parts become until they warp everything.  I realize that I need to embrace all of me, scars and all, because each and every part of me contributes to the larger picture of who I am as a person, unique, wonderful, quirky, and difficult.


That's it for now.   It is once again pouring rain, as in torrential downpours, here in the Pacific Northwest, but thankfully my pets and I can stay inside warm and dry and snuggling together.   I hope you have a wonderful day! 

Is There One Truth?

This past week has gotten me thinking again about the eternal question of truth and whether or not there even is an absolute truth at all.  I have explored this question, as I imagine many of us have, throughout my life and in a variety of contexts.  One of my earliest searches was centered around spirituality and religion and I tried out a number of them.  Eventually, I have decided that most religions have some beliefs that work for me and many that don't, and I have finally cobbled together my own blend of spirituality with heavy nods to Daoism and Buddhism and other eastern philosophies.  Would I say that I had a claim on the absolute truth in this area?  Most assuredly not!  I know what works for me and what helps me through life, but I'd never presume to say that it would work, much less be the best option, for anyone else.


And even further back in my timeline, in another life when I was a physics major, I learned that good old Newtonian physics is fine for everyday life, but that in fact it has no bearing on reality when things get either very very small or very very large.  Scientists are still looking for a unified theory of physics, but personally I am not sure that there is such a thing, and for me, it is enough that I can count on Newton in my every day activities.


Well, this past week I was hit once again by the fact that truth is hard if not impossible to come by.  First there was the trip to the allergist in Seattle.  The doctor has a good reputation and the clinic is the best in the area, and he did go through everything with me, but his conclusion was that I am only allergic to grass, that all the other allergy tests I had had previously, tests based on an analysis of my blood, were bogus, and that no food allergy would cause sinus congestion or headaches.


This information directly contradicts what my regular doctor had said and I was left confused.  When I contacted my doctor's office I got a message saying that there are just "differences of opinion," which wasn't terribly helpful.  I know that a large part of this is due to the differences between allopathic medicine and homeopathic medicine, but still, where does that leave me?


I decided that once again, this was a testing of my belief systems and it was up to me to play detective and figure out what works for me.  If the allergist is correct, then there is no reason not to eat things like wheat, nuts, and bananas.  So in what I hope is a reasonably sensible manner, I have added wheat back into my diet.  As a vegan, this was the one that caused me the most difficulty, and the one I missed the most, so I now have a wonderful loaf of olive bread and soon also some couscous and Tofurky faux meats, and so far, I have had no change in symptoms and no difficulties and it sure does taste good!  I am realizing that once again, there are no absolutes and that I will have to find my own path through the maze and see what works for me.  


The other major event of my past week was a wonderful (if very brief) visit from my sister Jan.  In the course of conversation we discussed some events in our family past and I realized very clearly that the beliefs of the individuals in our family determined their view of situations, their definitions of the realities of events.  Each person had acted from good and loving motives, but each spin as it were on the situation was totally different, rather like eye witness accounts of an accident.  We each saw what we "knew" to be true based on how we had set up our world.


When I was a lot younger, I was very sure that there had to be a right answer to everything.  Now, after a lot of years of experience, I believe that the key to life is to stay open to possibilities, to realize that there probably isn't a single reality at all on anything, and that sometimes we need to readjust our beliefs, never an easy task, to accomodate new data or new ways of looking at things.


The older I get the harder time I have with change, and I don't think I am alone there.  But at the same time, the older I get and the more I have seen, the more I realize that there are as many ways of looking at the world, as many realities, as there are people in it, that I have no monopoly on what is real or right, and that I need to be open to what others think, believe, and see as real, not only to treat them with respect, but also to stay open to learning something which might apply to me or help me navigate this complicated world of ours.


So I am going to conclude that for me there isn't a single truth or a single reality.  I will just continue to ask the question, is this working for me.  If it is, fine.  If it isn't, then I need to try something else.  I'd be really interested to see what you, my readers, think about the nature of truth and reality!  Have a super day!

Do All Colors Go Together?

I was in Island Quilter, the best quilt shop in the world (in my humble opinion), on Friday and a lady was trying to figure out what color yarn to use to assemble her knitted squares into a single piece.  The knitted squares were in a variety of colors (more on this in  a bit), and so, especially since she was wearing a vibrant purple suit, I suggested purple.  Her immediate reaction was that that wouldn't go with her bedroom.


That got me thinking about whether I thought there were colors which don't go together, and I realized that anything I actually consider a color (I do not handle beige, white, brown, black, neutrals, etc well at all) I would put with any other color and in fact do on a regular basis.  For me, a color needs to be bold and definitive, with no questions about what it is.  And my home and life reflect this.  My favorite color spot in my home is where a pink wall and magenta baseboard meet up with a yellow door and baseboard with a green half bath close by on one side and a purple closet on the other, and a blue bedroom beyond.  Well, I'm sure you get the idea.


We all color our worlds differently and that works really well.  I would not like it actually if everyone did as I do as that would become boring.  And the reality is that I have a mild form of color-blindness so that I am unable to distinguish colors which are close or colors which are faint, and hence my need for bold colors.  I recently purchased a hot tub (yep this is relevant to color) and they recommend testing the water for a variety of things such as ph using strips which you swirl in the water and then compare with the handy color chart.  Well, I have now signed up for valet service so my tub will be checked monthly and drained and refilled three times a year for a variety of reasons, but one of the biggies is that all the colors on the chart look about the same to me for all the things I am supposed to measure.  I can tell the difference between the bottom and the top but I cannot see the gradients.  I remember having the same issues in both high school and college chemistry, and my father used to yell at me that this beige didn't even come close to matching that beige (he was big into neutrals).


A friend painted a magnificent portrait of my cat Sasha and I just got it framed.  As I was picking out mat and frame colors, the difficulties I have with distinguishing subtleties surfaced again.  The store owner first picked out a variety of mats which she felt would be good, and I am sure they all would have been, but after eliminating all the (by my definition) non colors, we settled on a lovely purple which looks fantastic with the portrait (Sasha is a black cat).  Then the frame selection, and again, I was offered many choices.  I suggested orange (once we decided that none of the greens would work because they caused detracted from Sasha's gorgeous green eyes), and there were in theory lots to pick from, but most of them simply didn't look orange to me.  They looked like rust or brown or whatever, but not orange.  Finally we found a bright orange that I liked which also worked very well with the painting and so now the portrait of Sasha sits proudly on my bright pink wall and looks fantastic.

Sasha Painted by Cynthia Zheutlin

My colors are bold.  My quilts stand out for a variety of reasons, but one of the main ones is my use of colors and as far as I am concerned all colors go well together, so I was able to respect (if not understand) the lady in the quilt shop's statement, but I still think given the variety of her squares (which were primarily what I believe is called earth colors, including sage and some kind of yellow, etc,) that the purple would have looked magnificent.  I left before she'd made a decision, realizing that my input would not have been helpful, and I'll ask Paul or Anja later on what color she finally settled on.


Do you have strong color preferences? Does color play a major or minor role in your life?  Just wondering.

Photo Update

Daphne and Sasha

Snow Day

I haven't written in awhile and it is time to play catch up with words and photos.  This month has seen the arrival of winter at last, at least for a week.  We had enough snow to shut down the island for nearly a week, and it was a lovely break.  I spent a lot of time reading with Sasha in my lap and that has been really quality time.  Sasha is weakening but still full of spunk.  I treasure every day with her.  Animals have so much to teach us and I am trying to learn every day.

Sasha Enjoys New Furniture

I still am working on health issues and maybe I always will.  The hot tub seems to be helping with my fibromyalgia pain and it certainly feels good to soak twice a day in nice hot water.  I missed it when the power was off for 24 hours and glad to get back in it once the power was restored.  It was great fun to catch snowflakes on my tongue as I soaked in the hot water.

Laoise, Thackeray, and Sasha

I continue to tutor at Student Link as well as a couple other students at home and I find the work enriching and satisfying.  I am very dismayed at the way education in this country is degrading and it is sad that so many students need assistance because the quality of classroom instruction is failing.  Math students no longer get their homework corrected because the teachers simply have too many students.  Students are all too frequently shoved onwards without learning the skills they will need to succeed, and it is disheartening and discouraging.  But I am making a difference in my world and I know that I am helping the students I tutor to learn what they need to pursue their dreams and that means a great deal to me.

Snow Sliding Off the Metal Roof

 Otherwise, life continues in its predictable routine.  I hope to be able to return to quilting on a more regular basis soon.  I find it rewarding to teach the bridge class as my students are so wonderful and supportive.  I am so lucky to be living where I am in such a wonderful caring community.  I hope you enjoy my photos and you may find even more on my Picassa site.  And I hope the new year is off to a good start for each and every one of you.

Painting of Sasha by Cynthia Zheutlin

What Goals Do You Have for 2012?

I saw an interesting prompt the other day at Plinky Prompts which got me thinking.  The question was to name the top 3 most important things you want to accomplish this year.  Certainly this time of year is a good one and a traditional one for setting goals and evaluating where you are and where you want to go.  I had to think fairly hard to come up with three, so having done that I guess by definition they are my most important three.


My first goal would be to get my novel published. I worked hard to write my first ever novel and now I need to get down to revising and then looking at publishing options.  I would also like to publish a book of my poetry, but that fits into the same goal I guess of becoming a published author.


My second goal would be to become healthier so that I am not always fighting off a sinus infection or battling chronic pain.  Having been recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia as well as my other health issues, means that this goal will not be easily accomplished.  However, I am getting a hot tub next week and that is supposed to help with both pain and sinus issues, and I'm trying to monitor my activities so that I don't keep over-extending, and so forth.  I am hoping then that this goal will be achievable.


My third goal is the toughest of all.  I would like to stop living in a state of constant fear or terror.  I have discussed this in some previous posts and I do understand where many of my fears come from, but the living in fear certainly takes a major toll on me in a variety of ways.  What am I afraid of, you might ask.  I think it would be easier to ask what am I not afraid of.  I was apprehensive at least if not downright fearful, about returning to activities after the holiday break.  Would I still be able to do what was expected?  Would people still value what I'm doing? Etc.   The fears were, of course, totally groundless, as are most of my fears.  My stand alone freezer which holds about 1/2 of my frozen food was accidentally left unplugged and the food all spoiled.  Because I shop at our local organic market where these items are purchased by special order from the buyer's club, and because of the timing of the loss, I won't be able to replace those items until the end of  next week.  So that made me fearful that I would run out.  Again, this is silly because first, I have plenty in my freezer drawers in my fridge and even if I didn't I could replace things sooner by going to Thriftway.  Of course that is another thing I'm afraid of, but I went a couple weeks ago and it was fine, as are most things that I fear.  But knowing this in my head doesn't seem to help a lot.  I'm afraid I will fail or not meet other's expectations.  I'm afraid I will make mistakes.  These are longstanding fears from my being raised by a highly critical very perfectionist father.  I need to move beyond these fears since when I am held in their grip, I am my own worst enemy.


And so if I made significant progress on goal three, I wouldn't care so much about the other two, and achieving the first goal will be wonderful, but without either or both of the other two goals, the achievement of goal one won't be so fantastic.  I plan to work hard on achieving progress at least on all the goals.  The first goal is measurable and well within my grasp since I am very happy with self-publishing.  The goal just requires some disciplined creative time and energy, challenging but not insurmountable.  The other two goals are more abstract, lacking easily measurable components, but they are quality of life goals and so in the long run, more important.  If I can feel some better and not panic quite so easily that will be significant.  I suspect those two goals are also related.  If I worry less, have fewer fears, I suspect I will have more energy etc.


Anyway, those are my three goals for 2012.  Do you have things you want to accomplish this year?  Have you set goals?  And do you have a game plan for working toward those goals?  I want to wish all my readers all the very best for 2012 and beyond.  May your lives be filled with light, love, and joy!

Best Present Ever

Holiday Lights

Eric and Josie

I saw a blog prompt the other day which asked what was your best holiday gift ever.  For me, this year, that answer is easy.  The best present I have received ever has been this year when I have been given the gift of contact with both of my adult children, and after an absence in one case of nearly 15 years, the gift is priceless beyond measure!  

Josie and Grandma, with Chauncey and Poosa

And so for me this year this holiday season has been filled with light, joy, and love.  I include a few sample photos in this post and the full holiday photo album may be found here.  Meanwhile, how would you answer this prompt?

Josie, Kelly, and Eric

What Motivates You?

Why do you do what you do?  I've been thinking about this as I write earlier than I might otherwise do because I want an internet badge.  What, you ask?  Yep, I know it is probably silly but the wonderful site 750words.com has incentives to keep a person writing.  It is, by the way, a free site where you just (some just) write 750+ words a day.  I started a little over a year ago and today will be my 382nd day in an unbroken streak.  There are a lot of days when I don't feel like writing and days when I only write saying how much I don't want to do anything much and that is how today's entry started.  But I'm writing before I even have my first cup of tea as I really want to earn the Rooster badge, one of the few I don't have.  To earn that I have to write between 5AM (not likely) and 9AM (ok, maybe) for 10 days in a row so here I am making sure that no matter what else happens in the morning I get my words done first.  The pets are anxious.  Thackeray is being very vocal because he hasn't gotten his kitty treats yet, but the words will happen first until next Monday when I will have earned the Rooster badge. (And then I can try for the Bat, the late night one, which will be just as hard and riskier if I do it at 10PM because if I go to bed before then and forget I not only won't get the Bat badge but I'll break my streak!).


That all got me thinking about why I do things, and when I do them supposedly best.  I've just gotten a treadmill and I try to go a bit further or longer or both each day.  I set a goal and I shoot for it.  I'm doing yoga again, just 10 min. a day, because my doctor says I must.  She says it will help my fibromyalgia or at least keep it from getting worse.  I've been doing that for a week now and I'm doing it because I was told to, but I have to admit that it isn't easy.  I think it is hard to get going when I hurt and doing yoga with a nasty headache isn't my idea of a good thing, but I was told to do it for my own good, so there I am.


I find the quilting is going faster and better when I set myself a deadline and so the next two quilts I'm doing for Vashon Youth and Family Services will be ready for pick-up next Monday.  That allows me some slack.  The deadline is not unreasonable, but it keeps me moving as I don't want to disappoint VYFS or the mother and son recipients, so I will find the odd moments in the next few days to make the backs and pin the quilts and then starting Friday afternoon, I'll quilt, square, and bind them.


And my biggest effort of late, writing my novel in the month of November, was done under the challenge of writing 50,000 words in a month (that got me another badge on 750words.com also, by the way!), and I now have a certificate, web badges, and a t-shirt proclaiming my success.  I still obviously have a long way to go to finish the novel as this is only the first draft, but I have to admit, without the challenge, without the fellow participants, etc., I might not have written my first novel, something I have wanted to do for many, many years!


So maybe the badges and incentives are silly.  And I'm sure I would be better off if I had different motivations, such as doing the yoga and the treadmill out of a sense of self-love instead of because I was told to for my own good, for instance.  But until I develop that ability, the badges do help and I do manage to make my own challenges along the way that keep me chugging and keep the quilts going, and so forth and now, in spite of Thackeray's complaints, I have a draft of a blog post done, so not too shabby for first thing in the morning.


What keeps you going?  What incentives are effective for you?  Or do you even need incentives?  Have a super day!

Pros and Cons

I receive e-mail prompts for suggestions of topics to write on and most of the time I'm finding they aren't very applicable.  But today's got me thinking.  The prompt was "What's tougher: living with someone messy or someone noisy?"  I'll leave you to answer this for yourself if you are so inclined, but it got me thinking, since I live alone (well as far as another human is concerned), which is tougher, living with someone or living alone.


Obviously if you are living with someone, the answer would depend greatly on who the someone is.  In my youth I was in a marriage for 20 years which I knew was a mistake by the end of the first year.  But I'd made a commitment and I was also scared of being on my own.  Of course it wasn't all bad, and I have two beautiful children as a result, but the marriage broke up when my answer to the question was it would be better to be alone.


Now 23 years later, having lived alone for longer than I lived with another, at least as an adult, I ask the question again.  There are definite advantages to living alone.  I can rebuild my home exactly as I want it and have the colors of paint, furniture, fixtures, etc. ordered to my tastes.  I can set up my day as I wish and have meals when I want, etc.  I have no one to answer to if I decide to quilt all day long or write a novel in a month.  Of course, as I listen to Thackeray complaining because I haven't tended to him as he thinks I should, there are family members who put in their opinions, but for the most part, I order my life as I wish.  And that is a very strong positive, for sure.  I'm not honestly sure, at this point in my life, having been alone for so long, if I could even change.


But there is also a flip side and at this time of year that flip side seems stronger.  It is lonelier and scarier living alone.  Things happen and I have to be aware that if I fall, or as happened a short while ago, if I wake up in the night with my back out and unable to move, I'm on my own.  And even without accidents, there isn't the sharing either.  Now it is true that probably no one else would watch Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas as many times as I am this holiday season!  But it would be nice to share it with someone.  It would be nice to go to the movies with someone, or talk about the book I'm reading, etc.


However, if I am honest, at the moment my health limitations are such that I just don't have the energy for being with people, at least the energy required to begin a relationship or a deep friendship and so I suspect I am, as is true for most of us I hope, exactly where I need to be.  My therapist is constantly pointing out that everything has a blessing and a curse attached to it, and being single is no different from other situations in that it has its bonuses and it has its drawbacks.  But overall it works for me, thanks in large measure to my furry companions who have no problem with my singing "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" at top volume!  I hope this finds you well and happy in whatever situation you find yourself.

Only on Vashon

Yesterday my car, Eglantine had a dead battery so that when I came out of Student Link to go home, she wouldn't start.  It was a Wednesday which is my busiest day and I was already late getting out of Student Link.  My first thought was that I would simply have to cancel my afternoon activities.  But first I called AAA.


That is when the fun began.  The very kind gentleman at AAA asked me for the address for Student Link.  I said there really wasn't one, but that the towing company would know where it is because Miles Towing is the only service on the island and we are a small community and Student Link is right next to the community pool.  Well the gentleman was very kind and very polite and very insistent so we finally settled on the High School's street address, which would do Miles Towing no good, but I knew they didn't need it anyway.


Then the AAA gentleman asked where the car was going and I said Doug's Auto and again he needed an address (which I suspect he found on his own) but I said, I had no idea but Miles would know and it was right next to the library.  Ok, he finally got it all set up, and he said, with some amazement in his voice, yes it is Miles Towing.  I suspect that he doesn't get too many situations like Vashon.  He then said that I had to stay with my car and that someone would be there within the hour.


Well, by this time, Nan, the head of Student Link, had discovered my difficulties and she said, no you aren't going to wait here.  Just give me your keys and AAA card and I'll give them to Miles when they get here.  Only on Vashon!  And then Julie, the program's administrator, stopped by on her way into town and she said she'd give me a lift home.  So I thanked Nan profusely and accepted Julie's offer of a ride.  I got home just in time to catch Leigh who was taking a break from work and heading out to lunch, so she gave me a ride to the Senior Center so I could teach my bridge class and afterwards gave me a ride to my therapy appointment, and finally a  ride from that appointment to Doug's Auto as Eglantine was all ready, good as new, with her annual new battery.  Thanks to the fact that Diane never schedules many cars on the day before a holiday, even though Eglantine was their third emergency, they were still able to fix her in a very timely fashion.  And I had, of course, called both Miles Towing and Doug's Auto to alert them to the situation and both were totally fine with how things had been worked out.  Miles gave the key to Doug's Auto and put my AAA card in Eglantine, and all was handled easily and efficiently.


And on this Thanksgiving Day it makes me realize just how lucky I am to be living in a place like Vashon where people just pitch in and help when needed.  Life goes at a pace that addresses are frequently not needed.  We are small, and we are rural, and we are also an island so we know very well that we are all dependent on each other, sometimes, especially in winter, at some pretty basic survival levels.  And so that's how island life runs, at least much of the time.  I was told when I first moved here over 5 years ago not to bother giving my street address when people asked where I live but just to say I'm just south of Young's Corner.  And now, having painted my home bright purple, I am a landmark all in my own right.  People are now known to say that they live near the purple house on 87th.


I've never been a part of a small community before.  It has its drawbacks but it also has a great deal to offer.  Yesterday reminded me of that.  I wish you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving 

Why I Write

The other day I was explaining something which had happened to me and which was related to the topic under consideration and after a bit the person I was talking to just got up and walked out of the room.  I followed, but when the person started talking to someone else I obviously stopped my story.


This happens to me a lot.  I know I tend to ramble on.  My father always said I had logorrhea.  The other week I was in a class where I'd been asked a question and another student interrupted me in the middle of my response, which probably was longer winded than it needed to be, to say that I was off topic and then she proceeded to get things going as she felt they should be.  Of course, it was not her place to do this.  If I were off topic it was the instructor who needed to bring the focus back but so be it.


If people aren't this obvious then they tend to go glassy eyed or antsy.  After all these years I've learned to pick up on the signs and I stop rambling.  Then I've noticed that I have students with similar afflictions, so to speak, and I make sure, no matter what, that I hear them out and listen attentively to them, knowing what the alternative feels like, and knowing that many of them don't have many people in their lives whom they feel safe rambling on to.  And whether or not their current conversation is of great interest to me or not, the student is.  I care deeply for my students and so giving them some time to talk and letting them know that they are truly being heard seems a very good thing.  


Anyway, these latest incidents have made me realize one reason writing is so important to me.  I live alone and don't necessarily have anyone to share stories with, which I know contributes a lot to my tendency to ramble on.  But with my writing, I can keep rambling as much as I like.  The computer doesn't walk away or limit my words and if it is for a blog post, I will never know if my readers stop reading.  True, my pets can get demanding if I write for too long, and it is always interesting to write with cats blocking the screen, but it can be done.  


As I've been writing my novel, an endeavor by the way that only my fellow writers on Twitter or Facebook or my blogs seem to understand, I've written a lot more each day.  In fact, over this past weekend I wrote 7500 words on Saturday and 7100 words on Sunday!  That was a record for me and it felt really really good.  I've discovered just how much writing means to me, how important it is for me to be able to create, whether it is fiction, poetry, a diary entry, or a blog post.  It is a way to communicate with myself and hopefully with others as well.


Whether I'm writing creatively, something I have just starting to do and have a lot to learn about, or writing blog posts such as this or even writing my end of the day Tanka diary, I find that it is like talking to someone.  Of course that someone is mainly me, but I can process my thoughts, see how the day went, or experience the adrenalin rush of figuring out a plot twist.  And I do feel as if I am also writing to my readers, some of whom I'm getting to meet through their blogs and their comments on mine, and some of whom I don't know at all, but they are still very important in my thinking.  As a result, I have learned a lot about myself from my writing and that is helping in my ongoing healing process.


Nearly a year ago (it will be a year on November 26th) I started writing on a wonderful fun free website, 750 words.com, and I have written at least 750 words each and every day since and I plan to continue that discipline.  It helps me to get my words out, to speak my mind, to tell my stories, and to figure out my world.  Daily writing has benefits which I never before even imagined.  Sure I've written all my life, but always as the result of an assignment.  There would be a paper due, or chapter questions to answer or lecture notes to write up.  Some of that was really fun.  I learned the art of picking paper topics which I enjoyed because at the end, no matter how good the topic, I would be tired of it.  But that enabled me to write a doctoral dissertation on Scottish medieval historians views of King Arthur or my thesis for my BA in Latin on modern translations into Latin of Winnie the Pooh, Dr. Seuss, and the Wizard of Oz. 


But now I'm writing not for an assignment or a class but for me.  I realized a long held dream when I finished the first draft of my first novel.  I am not sure where I will go with it, whether I will revise it and eventually self-publish it, or whether I'll move on to writing something else.  Regardless of where I might now go, the very act of completing the novel was a major achievement for me and I learned a lot while having a really good time.  It showed me, among many other things, just how important writing is for me, and I'm sure that those people whom I do run into during the day will appreciate it also since maybe I won't ramble on at them quite so much.  Have a great day wherever your are and thanks for reading!

Update on Life

Gads, I can't believe it has been over a month since I last posted here!  Of course, maintaining lots of blogs--it has now grown to four, is challenging and insane, but even so.  My last post here was still swimming upstream and that hasn't changed, which I suspect is why I haven't posted in awhile.  I love all the things I'm doing, but some days it is hard to keep it all straight, so to speak.


Anyway, here is a quick update and hopefully photos will follow on another post soon!  Let's get the health update first as it is boring.  I had a very nasty spell with my bad back, which really laid me low for several weeks.  I have a great chiropractor and he had concluded that when I fell on the gym floor playing badminton in my stocking feet (not my fault I might add as we were required to do that once because of some resurfacing of the gym floor issues) when I was in eighth grade and I fractured my tailbone, that I did damage which has come back to haunt me.  I've had problems with my left sacroiliac joint since I was in my late forties and it is just nasty at times.  But at the moment, it is doing much better, for which I am most grateful.  I've also found a new massage therapist--so hated to see my old one move away--and she (the new one) does hot rock massage which I am really enjoying!  I've seen her twice now and I am glad friends recommended her.  I had also tried another massage therapist and I made the mistake (for me and you'll soon see why) of going for a deep tissue massage and then not having her stop when it really hurt because I thought that was what a deep tissue massage was.  Anyway, the massage actually increased my chronic pain levels which had been getting worse slowly all on their own.  I went to see my doctor after that and turns out that my reactions to the massage, coupled with a lot of other things, gave my doctor the data she needed for a real diagnosis and it turns out I have fibromyalgia.  For people suffering with that a deep tissue massage can really cause problems, so now I know and I'll stick to the hot rocks!  But the diagnosis has allowed my doctor to set up a new treatment plan and I am glad to know what is going on, why I have such pain issues everywhere not to mention the fatigue and a few other things, but I also realize that this is a very hard thing to treat.  So that's my health update.


Sasha has had her own issues and as her vet said yesterday, Sasha is just keeping us on a roller coaster.  Dr. Nell even said that when she'd gotten Sasha's blood results on Thursday they were so bad that she was ready to dig her grave, but then the ultrasound on Friday showed major improvement in her GI track, no evidence of cancer, a possible kidney infection, and a kind of stasis in her GI track that made her nauseous.  So a few more meds were added and Sasha, bless her wonderful heart, is still being her usual inquisitive self and we are now on the up side of the ride.  Both Nell and I are hoping the ride goes on for a long time.  Sasha was diagnosed with aggressive oral cancer a year ago yesterday and given 2 months at best, but thankfully, Sasha didn't read that diagnosis.  And we are so fortunate to have a magnificent vet tech, Kay, who was genuinely happy yesterday to be back to twice a day visits with Sasha and me for Sasha's meds (definitely a two person job!).  Kay does this as a volunteer and it is a real blessing.  We have been so lucky in all our caring health care providers for Sasha--it has been and continues to be incredible.  All the other pets are thankfully doing well.  Oliver has had some ear issues, Chauncey ear and skin, Poosa eyes, but all very minor.  Thackeray is trying to become a vet tech (among other things) and Laoise is thankfully very healthy as she is so shy and disappears when anyone is around.  


I am really enjoying my work with Student Link (Vashon's alternative high school) and having my own library to run is a dream come true.  The students are all wonderful and being there three mornings a week (and thanks to budget considerations Student Link is only open three days/week) has made a huge difference to both the students and to Nan, the only teacher for 18 independent learners.  I'm not only helping with math but also writing questions and assignments for world history for one student and just generally being encouraging, ready to listen, for all who come through the door.  


And the big thing for me this month is National Novel Writing Month.  Folks have been doing this for many years, I guess, trying to write 50,000 words in one month, but it is my first time.  I've wanted to write a fantasy novel for a long, long time, but the reality is that I have never before written anything creatively.  All my writing, and there has been a ton of it, has been academic.  So I started writing Flash Fiction (that's my fourth and newest blog), and flash fiction has many definitions as far as word count but it is short, generally 1000 words or less.  I was doing a flash fiction story a day on my blog just to get the creative juices going and I'm sure I will return to that after November, but right now I'm just posting updates on my novel progress (today is day 5 of the challenge and so far I've written 5 chapters for a total of 9223 words--my novel is called Dragon Riders and I've set it up as 30 chapters long, intending to write a chapter/day).  It is pretty brazen to jump right into a novel, but I wanted to try the challenge and so far it is a lot of fun.  It is taking about every bit of energy I have after Student Link, however, so I'm not doing a lot else, but that is quite fine with me.  One of the Student Link students has also joined the challenge and that is truly fun to have a fellow writer whom I know.


My kitchen has gotten tiled and hopefully this week it will get grouted as well.  Leigh is preparing to install the cat walks which I know will please the cats as they haven't had them since last fall.  The remodel is nearing completion.  The garage needs insulation and sheet rock put in, but that will not be mudded, etc. just painted since sheet rock looks horrible.  But having real walls will keep the garage a bit warmer so things like paint don't freeze and it will also allow the garage to be properly organized.  I think work on the garage will also be starting soon.


Ok, so that is the update from my end.  I hope it won't be another month before I write again.  I shall try to get a bit more organized, but my novel will take up a big chunk of writing time!  Hope you are all well and getting into fall weather easily!

Still Swimming Upstream but All is Good

Dear Sasha

Well it has been an interesting couple weeks since I last posted and I still feel as if I am barely keeping my head above water, but in spite of that things are overall quite good.  The main worry has been Sasha, but thankfully she is once again gaining strength thanks to the combined efforts of Dr. Nell her vet and Kay the vet tech who so kindly stops by our house twice a day to give Sasha her many medicines.  Sasha helped me quilt yesterday and assisted with my weaving today, so I know she is returning to her usual friendly happy self.  She still has problems with the litter box, but that seems quite minor after everything else.

Dear Sasha

Chauncey has also had his share of issues having to have surgery for his skin condition which got dramatically worse and it turns out he has a staph infection which does not respond to antibiotics, but he too is getting better and after the trip to the groomers last Friday he doesn't look quite so strange.  Most of his back and right side had to be shaved right down to the skin and when the rest of his fur was longer and shaggy the contrast was not great.  But now he is more evened out and more importantly he is feeling much better.

Dear Sasha

I got a new piece of garden art, and dinosaur, specifically a dromaeosaur which I have named Freyja, and I won her in the Vashon Allied Arts annual fund raising auction.  I was lucky that my therapist's husband loves that event and was very happy to bid on my behalf since I don't do social functions in the first place and don't go out at night in the second.  Freyja was delivered last Thursday and she looks really awesome.

Chauncey and Sasha

And I've done a lot of quilting lately.  I finished my new bed quilt yesterday and slept under it for the first time last night.  It is a lot bigger and it was a challenge to keep shifting it around to work on it.  I used the time when the dogs were at the groomers to lay the whole thing out, back, batting, and top, and get it all pinned.  The only space large enough was of course the floor and trying to do that with three dogs would have been a nightmare, so I learned once again, that sometimes things we don't like (ie., having the dogs gone--the house seems so empty) can still prove to be positive events.  Anyway I was very pleased to have it all finished yesterday and Sasha came and slept on it for a bit last night.  She was the inspiration for the quilt and the reason why I made such a big one because she does like the quilt to go over my big stuffed koala so she can perch on top of it.  Last weekend I was afraid she wouldn't live long enough to see the new quilt, but her improved health and my speed worked well together.  She even helped me quilt it, which was quite lovely.

Freyja the Dromaeosaur

Today I've gotten back to my weaving, working on a project of magenta colored hand towels that I put on my loom last December, but then had to stop work on as the loom when into storage, and since then I've mainly quilted and only done a little weaving.  But at the moment I don't have any names for quilts for Vashon Youth and Family Services so I thought I'd take a break from quilting and do weaving instead.  I spent about 3 hours weaving today while watching the movie Australia, and Sasha helped me with that as well, so it was a lovely way to spend my day.

Freyja the Dromaeosaur

I am doing more and more at Student Link including taking over the library management and how fun it is to be able to put my MALS  (the masters in library science) to good use as I catalog and sort that collection.  I am also writing questions for a world history class for one student as well as marking lots of math of all levels and generally being a coach for the students.  I really enjoy that work.  And one of my former students from my days of tutoring at the library has requested my assistance with Algebra II.  I worked with him as a freshman and then he went off island for his sophomore year, but he is back now and it is great to see him and get to work with him.

Sasha the Quilter

That's about it on this end, at least as far as I can remember.  Construction has been at a halt over the past week as Leigh was working in Canada, but I think things start back tomorrow and I'm hopeful that my kitchen may actually be completed.  I will be throwing a monkey wrench into the works (hopefully not a big one) as I realized where I need one more outlet and that needs to go in before the tiling, but I'm hoping that Leigh can talk Gary, my electrician, into doing it.  Some things can only be figured out when the room is in use, and this is such a case.  Hoping all is well with you and yours wherever you are.  Thanks as always for stopping by!

My New Bed Quilt (102"x108")

New Bed Quilt (and Oliver)

Barely Keeping My Head Above Water

Sasha Eating!

I am barely keeping my head above water and this has been an especially busy and stressful week.  Every day since Tuesday I have either been at the vet's with someone or the vet has been here and today it is both.  I thought for awhile that I was going to lose Sasha, but she seems to have turned the corner and the ultrasound yesterday revealed no cancer but instead irritable bowel syndrome.  She was hospitalized yesterday so she could receive fluids and medicines and then I was able to bring her home for the night, but took her back up this morning for another day of the same.  But she did start eating last night and again this morning although not enough to change her weight.  She still weighs 4 lbs. 9 oz. (and she had been at 6 lbs 12 oz before she started the oral meds now three weeks ago), but for the first time in over two weeks she at least didn't lose weight!  So we are all hoping she is starting to recover and we have a game plan that will involve me pilling her with several pills once to twice a day for awhile, but if she can just start gaining weight we will have hope for more quality time.  

Chauncey after surgery to remove 3 bumps

And if that weren't enough, Chauncey's skin flared up really badly and one of his bumps (Cocker Spaniels tend to get lots of bumps as they age) turned really nasty so he had to have surgery to remove 3 of these things and we are still waiting for the biopsy results.  He has a bandaged right paw and he is wearing a blue t-shirt and he doesn't really care for either, but there it is.  Dr. Nell will be out this afternoon to change his bandage and see how he is doing and she will also bring Sasha home!


So adding all this onto my already much busier schedule has left me feeling as if I am barely keeping ahead of the game.  I haven't quilted all week, although I am hoping to do that today and tomorrow.  I haven't written many haiku or tanka or any kind of poem, and my twitter friends probably think I have fallen off the face of the earth.  It is tough when things get this chaotic and I am just grateful for the care and understanding of everyone at Fair Isle Animal Clinic, especially Dr. Nell and Dr. Dana.  

Front yard using new wide-angle lens

I am also very grateful for my new volunteer job at Student Link!  It is a big change for me and it does make for a more active schedule, but I think if the rest of life could sort itself out, I will like the new schedule and I will get used to it.  The students this year are really wonderful.  The program has 18 students and because there are so few, relatively speaking, the flavor of Student Link really changes from year to year depending on who is there.  This is my third year to volunteer here, and I have been amazed at how different it feels each year.  But this is the first time I have been such an integral part of the program and I am enjoying my added responsibilities and my more frequent contact with the students.  Some years I only got to know a handful of them, but this year I'm meeting most.  Some are doing Running Start, which is a program with our community colleges where by they can start early at the community college and so those students are off island during the day and hence I don't see them.  But the majority are here and now that they know I will be there every morning that Student Link is open (TWTh), they are starting to show up more and that is very gratifying.


Anyway, I am having to learn new organizational skills (or resurrect old ones) to keep everything chugging along and I do find by the end of the day that I am totally exhausted, but I'm hoping over time that it will all settle into a normal and not so exhausting routine.  Until then, if I don't respond right away to comments or don't get to reading other blogs from friends, etc. please forgive me.  Know that you are in my thoughts even if my actions don't seem to reflect that!  And now it is time to post this and get some quilting accomplished!  Have a super day wherever you are!