Yard Photos and Life

Well, I finally got some yard photos taken and there are too many to put in a blog post so I'll just give the link to my My Yard and Sasha album on Picassa.  Meanwhile, today I cleaned out my closet, getting all the clothes that no longer fit off to Granny's Attic where they can be resold for charity.  I have had to learn a difficult lesson.  Over two years ago I was quite overweight, a problem I've had most of my life.  One of the benefits of chronic sinus infections is that I didn't have much appetite, so as my life improved and I healed, I started eating only when hungry.  The pounds melted off and I was finally at the weight my father said was my ideal weight.  And I managed to maintain that for a long time by simply not eating much and watching absolutely everything I did eat.  There was no joy in any of my food and finally my doctor and my therapist convinced me that I was not at a healthy weight.  I was actually too thin.  So I've tried to eat more sensibly now and actually enjoy what I eat.  I stay off the scale (for the most part), and I still eat when hungry, but I'm not afraid to enjoy a sandwich or a piece of Amy's gluten free chocolate cake.  So, of course, I've now gained weight, which again both my doctor and my therapist assure me is a good thing.  


So I sorted clothes this morning and I also realized that when I first lost all my weight I tried "new looks," just the way an adolescent would, but then that is about where I am now.  I enjoyed the change for a bit, but truly it wasn't me in a lot of ways, so sending most of the clothes off was a recognition not only of my changed size but my discovery of what works for me.  I was never allowed to try out different looks.  I was just told what I had to wear to compensate for my short legs, bad build, etc., etc.  So it was fun to have the freedom to see what actually does work for me, and I have a much clearer idea now of what I like.  Healing is always a lengthy learning process and I'm just going with that now.  It would be easy to say that I could have known from the start that my father's idea on weight and looks would be as flawed as many of his other ideas, but I had to go through the process myself to see first, that I could do it, and second, that it was unhealthy to live like that.  It seems that this old lady is finally growing up, and that is a very good thing.  Hope you are having a splendid day!